My Last Mother's Day

It was a beautiful day in May. Happy was I. My son Ronnie had gotten discharged from the hospital a few days earlier, much to my relief. It had been touch and go for a while. While hospitalized he became a hockey fan. What team, you ask? If you have to ask, then you don't know me.
The NJ Devils (for those of you who reside in other countries or know zero about hockey).

It was Mother's day and Ronnie and his girl friend Sandy took me and her Mother out to dinner. Maureen (Sandy's Mom) wanted to go to some place called The Lone Star. It didn't matter to me, but Ronnie said "Every time we go out to eat Maureen picks the place, it's time you got to choose". I told him that Mothers Day was about being together and that was more important than any food.

The place we went to was a steak house and I don't eat red meat. "Don't worry said I, chicken is always on the menu almost everywhere". Such a nice day it was. My gift was a watch with kittens on it; I still have that watch in my jewelry box. My only regret is that we didn't take pictures. My Ronnie always wrote the most sentimental things in cards and this one was no different. He thanked me for all the good qualities he possessed, stating that they came from me. Then proceeded to thank me for teaching him right from wrong and to always be a good person.
It was the most wonderful Mother's Day. Who could've known that four months later he'd be dead.

Broken though my heart may be, I am not ready to join him just yet; I still have tasks to complete. My soul just aches so wretchedly at times, most oft his birthday and Mother's Day. That was my Last Mother's Day as a Mother.

Today which is minutes away from being over is my last Mother's Day with a Mother.
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My sister has issues with me and my brother and she had my Mom's POA (I'm the alternate). My sister has her in a facility 5 minutes from her house, but it's a 30 mile tip for me on a road known for traffic. My own health problems hinder my travelling abilities.

My father's spirit came to me and told me to visit Mom and he would protect me while travelling. So I did, and had a wonderful visit. Alert and cognizant she was, though getting stuck on words sometimes. She stopped eating and drinking (except for chocolates) and my sister put her on hospice.

Never did she say a word to me. I will not speak ill of my little sister and I will always love her even if I despise some of the things she does.

So, my on-line friends I share with you that this is my last Mother's Day. I have no son and by next year will have no Mother. For this I am very, very sad.

Ostara

There is no specific date on which the Ostara feast must be held. The three mightiest times at this turning of the year are the equinox itself and the new and full moons following the equinox. It is probably better in general to celebrate Ostara during the waxing moon.

Ostara represented many complex, interrelated beliefs to our ancestors. The sun was reborn from its winter banishment to thaw the earth, making it ready for the plow. People felt reborn as well, escaping from close, snow-bound confinement into the new warmth. The Gods and Goddesses of fertility were active once again in the land, causing new growth everywhere. Women often were showing the first swelling signs of pregnancy, engendered in the winter months when bed meant both warmth and entertainment for they and their men. As the wilds burgeoned with new life, so too would the lands inhabited by man, bearing crops in the furrows, kine in the fields, and salmon in the streams. Ostara is the brightest and most joyful ceremony of the Teutonic year. It is the time in which we celebrate the renewed presence of the Gods and Goddesses of fertility among us, and their marriages which ensure the fertility of the land. Ostara marks the victory of Sunna over the wolves which pursued her down into winter's dark, and Thorr's victory over the Frost-Giants. We celebrate the end of winter, and joyously exchange the cold for summer's healing warmth.

Grief

Unless you've lost a Child ...... then
Don't ask us if we are over it yet. We'll never be over it.
A part of us die with our child
Don't tell us they are in a better place.
They are not here with us, where they belong.
Don't say at least they are not suffering
We haven't come to terms with why they are suffering at all.
Don't tell us at least we have other children.
Which of your children would you have sacrificed?
Don't ask us if we feel better
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Don't force your beliefs on us
Not all of us have the same faith.
Don't tell us at least we had our child for so many years,
What year would you choose for your child to die?
Don't tell us God never gives us more than we can bear
Right now we don't feel we can handle anything else.
Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease,
just unbearable pain.
Don't tell us you know how we feel, unless you haven't lost a child, Its not the natural order of things.
Don't take our anger personally,
We don't know who we are angry at or why and lash out at those closest to us.
Don't whisper behind us when we enter the room
We are in pain, but not deaf.
Don't stop calling us after the initial loss
Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking of us.
Don't be offended when we don't return your calls right away
We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others.
Don't tell us to get on with our lives
We each grieve differently in our own time frame.
Grief cannot be governed by any clock or calendar.
Do say you are sorry. We're sorry too, and you saying that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of those tired cliches you don't really mean anyway.
Just say you are sorry.

Do put your arms around us and hold us.
We need your strength to get us through each day.
Do say you remember our child, if you do.
Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.
Do let us talk about our child.
Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever.
Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings.
Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process.
Cry with us if you want to.
Do remember us on special dates.
Our child's birth date, death date, and holidays are a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child.
Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child.
We do.
Do show the family that you care.
Sometimes we forget to do that in our pain.

Do be thankful for children.
Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain

February 16

Tis a sad day for me, my friends. My son was born today, right at this time 7:08PM. I'm not looking for sympathy, just feel a need to express some of my feelings. This day is worse than the day he died.
You Moms out there understand; there is nothing that compares to the bond established during pregnancy and childbirth. That moment cannot be duplicated or adequately explained with words. Of course it's the Mom who feels all these things. Kids - don't even remember the miracle moment. But after the umbilical cord is long gone, the invisible one that replaced it remains strong. Forever connected.
I miss him terribly, but I have things left to do before I can join him, and what would you guys do without me? lol
The next worse day is Mother's Day - but I'll leave that alone for now.
Thanks for "listening" my dear cyber pals. I wanted to put up a baby picture of Ronnie, but I'm having trouble with the scanner. Some of those old "studio" pics just don't scan. So here's a photo where he is a tad older.

THE GIANTS WIN THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!

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Kathy's Collection 2

 
 

Kathy's Collection

 
 
 
 

Remembering Ronnie this Holiday

I didn't get to do much decorating this year; I just wasn't physically up to it. So I am posting last year's picture of Ronnie. I did put one of the little trees up. Oh, and I got a friend to bring my ceramic tree that my Dad gave me, up from the cellar. To save on energy I will only light it on the 24th & 25th.

When he was much younger, Ronnie loved Christmas so much. He was famous (in our family) for picking the tape off the corners of his gifts to try to see what the packages contained.
When he'd finally get to open the presents, he would "toss" the ones with clothes (he could tell by the box) to the side and concentrate on the toys.. I sure do miss him. At least I have his ashes with me and he does pop in from time to time.

Kathy & Eddie's Wedding Nov. 26, 1977

 
 
 
 

Remembering John Lennon

This is a must see video, please watch the entire video. The second half of the video does contain some graphic violence. It certainly made me cry. I am unable to post it for some reason so I am providing the link.

www.ImaginePeace.com

December 8 an unforgettable day

December 8, 1980
John Lennon was shot and killed outside of his home at the Delacroix Hotel. I will not acknowledge his murderer by name, for that is what he seeks. Despite the chilling cold, people will gather across from the Hotel, at Strawberry Fields with their candles mourning his death, 27 years after the fact. Take some time to "Imagine".
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December 8, 1943 -- Jim Morrison was born. Jim was a poet, an alcoholic, a dreamer. A bright star who burned out quickly. His impact on music will be remembered.

December 1 -- World AIDS Day

The AIDS red ribbon

The red ribbon is an international symbol of AIDS awareness that is worn by people all year round and particularly around World AIDS Day to demonstrate care and concern about HIV and AIDS, and to remind others of the need for their support and commitment.

The red ribbon started as a "grass roots" effort; as a result there is no one official AIDS ribbon manufacturer, and many people make their own. It's easily done - just use some ordinary red ribbon and a safety pin!

Started on 1st December 1988, World AIDS Day is not just about raising money, but also about increasing awareness, fighting prejudice and improving education. World AIDS Day is important in reminding people that HIV has not gone away, and that there are many things still to be done.

The theme for World AIDS Day 2007

World AIDS Day was originally organised by UNAIDS, who chose the theme after consultation with other organisations. In 2005 UNAIDS handed over responsibility for World AIDS Day to an independent organisation known as The World AIDS Campaign (WAC).

The WAC’s slogan for their work is "Stop AIDS: Keep the Promise". This is an appeal to governments, policy makers and regional health authorities to ensure that they meet the many targets that have been set in the fight against HIV and AIDS, and especially the promise of universal access to HIV treatment, care, support and prevention services by 2010. This campaign will run until 2010, with a related theme chosen for World AIDS Day each year.

The 2007 theme, “leadership”, highlights the need for innovation, vision and perseverance in the face of the AIDS challenge. The campaign calls on all sectors of society such as families, communities and civil society organisations - rather than just governments - to take the initiative and provide leadership on AIDS.

To learn more about what is happening around the world, or to list any events that you may be holding locally this World AIDS Day, please visit the WAC's events calendar.

I don't think there is anyone out there who does not know of some one touched by this hideious disease.

Take a moment to remember them.

Peace

Yule

Winter Solstice, also known as midwinter. This, the longest night of the year, is the time when the Goddess gives birth to the new spark of hope, the Sun Child--light of the world--which was conceived during the rites of Ostara.

Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

MySpace Graphics & MySpace Codes

3Jim_Morrison.gif (GIF Image, 598x598 pixels)

3Jim_Morrison.gif (GIF Image, 598x598 pixels)

Merlyn The Traveling Troll

Ronnie's birthday, some pictures of him

 
 
 

Thanksgiving Photo Albumn 11-23-06

Thanksgiving 11-23-06

All Hallow's Eve with Ronnie

  

Eddie (voice) & Cammie (cat)